I Fail

Just like the glowing embers of a fire lit by a lonely Bedouin in the night at a desert, just like the sparkle of countless luminous stars that help navigate a gypsy wandering in the wild, just like the soothing warmth of a bon fire besides a babbling brook in a cold wintery night, just like the blissful laughter of a toddler amazed at the beauty of it’s mother, just like the gentle breeze blowing on a sultry night as the weary traveler gazes the stars above, just like the aroma of the parched earth kissed by the rains, just like the gentle murmur of the river as it meanders its way down from the misty mountains to the thirsty plains, just like the enchanting beauty of the pink azaleas in a humble country home, just like the mesmerizing shimmering moon on the silvery waters of a river even as the boatman hums a song of  love and separation…..………your eyes are all that and more to me!  

I know, I so miserably fail when I try arresting the maddening beauty of your eyes in my words. And for once the failure pleases me!

Dreams and Aspirations

A few days back my dear wife wrote this for me -

I believe in what I read a few days ago – it’s all in the state of mind – sometimes you see a plain glass, sometimes you see myriad hues of the rainbow through the plain glass ! Sometimes you are so content enjoying the aroma of the tea, the lazy afternoons and the running around of the kids in the house but sometimes the same tranquility makes you restless – it makes you want to do something more, may be achieve a little more, maybe you want to make your life a little bit more meaningful !

As a young girl and later as a wife and then as a mother, I was often more than content being the “lynchpin” (as my husband would affectionately address me). Today, I am not content in the same way.

I have my own set of dreams and aspirations. He has his own. Yes, we are supposed to blend these dreams but surely not impose them on each other! It could have been the other way round too. Maybe, I wanted to make it big but because I was willing to sacrifice my career for him, I wanted him to take charge of my ambitions. He had always wanted to write and so I dreamt of him in the league of famous writers. Over the years, I coaxed him, cajoled him, motivated him to write but then he never really wrote. He didn’t write because he was just not passionate about it. It was a dream which was not his own. It was a desire that had been imposed on him! I would feel bad that he was not trying but today the realization dawned on me that that you should follow own dreams.

Today, I promise myself that I will take charge…..that I will not let any opportunity pass, so that as an old lady when I look out of the window and say to myself – I could have been!

(Earlier, i had been fighting a few of my demons. Today, I am fighting a few more! Sigh!)

The Irony and The Indignation

Souls do not indulge in politics. However, I shall for once make an exception.

Pakistan, provides sanctuary to Osama Bin Laden, the most wanted terrorist on earth for years and years altogether until finally Uncle Sam sends his Seals to "smoke him out". And boy what a way to smoke him out !

And here, back home in India, we have people like Afzal Guru, infamous for the Parliament attack (2001) and Ajmal Kasab, infamous for the carnage and mayhem in Mumbai (2008). Both the acts were waging war against the nation read India. However, the nation against whom the war was waged keeps them alive and healthy and in the process spend lakhs in their security.

Stupefying, inexplicable and absolutely foolhardy! Period.

GOOD BYE BROTHER !

NAWANG TOMDEN (JOON)

Born : 17 Apr 1975

Bade the final "Good Bye": 19 Apr 2011

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

Brother, rest in peace !

Rejoicing In My Thraldom

Last night, I dreamt of you and me together....

I saw places that I often conjure up in my mind.....a log cabin, somewhere up there in the misty mountains, a few cirrus clouds wafting by close; so close that you can stretch and caress their gentle softness, the dusk fast approaching even as the birds circle their way back to their roosts - somewhere in the dim distant horizon, a gentle breeze, my ally that she is, buffets a few truant locks on to your face and brings me your maddening fragrance.....I stand mesmerised beside you - blessed and rejoicing in my thraldom....

Last night, I dreamt of you and me together.....

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional...
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions...
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE DESIDERATA

There are times, I wish to shut out the world, to be alone, to heal and come back..... wiser in soul and body. These are the times that I find solace in THE DESIDERATA. Here, I quote it verbatim -

DESIDERATA - by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.