Expectations

“I am not in this world to live up to other people’s expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine.” - Fritz Perls     

The moment we attain the age when we are able to comprehend, we are saddled with expectations;  expectations, that are both – tangible and intangible. As a child we are expected to be - “good children”, when we join schools and colleges, we are expected to be - “good students” and are expected to be “good citizens”, in future. In our personal lives, we are expected to be good sons/daughters/husbands/wives etc. Similarly, in our professional lives we are expected to be good employees/managers and what have you. Gradually, the weight of expectations bogs us down and we start evaluating ourselves on a yardstick that is calibrated on a scale that ranges from meeting zero to hundred per cent of what others expect from us.

Somewhere down the line, while endeavouring to meet others expectations, we gradually start expecting from others – expectations of love, care, affection, favours, appreciation, compliments etc. Again our expectations are both – tangible and intangible.

Thus the vicious cycle perpetrates!  

Such a situation impels us to align our efforts and to channelize our energy to meet the expectations of others and not to surpass them. This leads to mediocrity. This also leads to heartburn, angst and disappointment which in turn ushers in pain and the resultant suffering.

The day we free others from matching our expectations, we shall be at peace and happy. And what is more we shall also make others – happy and at peace with themselves!

Dreams and Aspirations

A few days back my dear wife wrote this for me -

I believe in what I read a few days ago – it’s all in the state of mind – sometimes you see a plain glass, sometimes you see myriad hues of the rainbow through the plain glass ! Sometimes you are so content enjoying the aroma of the tea, the lazy afternoons and the running around of the kids in the house but sometimes the same tranquility makes you restless – it makes you want to do something more, may be achieve a little more, maybe you want to make your life a little bit more meaningful !

As a young girl and later as a wife and then as a mother, I was often more than content being the “lynchpin” (as my husband would affectionately address me). Today, I am not content in the same way.

I have my own set of dreams and aspirations. He has his own. Yes, we are supposed to blend these dreams but surely not impose them on each other! It could have been the other way round too. Maybe, I wanted to make it big but because I was willing to sacrifice my career for him, I wanted him to take charge of my ambitions. He had always wanted to write and so I dreamt of him in the league of famous writers. Over the years, I coaxed him, cajoled him, motivated him to write but then he never really wrote. He didn’t write because he was just not passionate about it. It was a dream which was not his own. It was a desire that had been imposed on him! I would feel bad that he was not trying but today the realization dawned on me that that you should follow own dreams.

Today, I promise myself that I will take charge…..that I will not let any opportunity pass, so that as an old lady when I look out of the window and say to myself – I could have been!

(Earlier, i had been fighting a few of my demons. Today, I am fighting a few more! Sigh!)